Stress Reduction for New Mothers
Spend time with your baby! Remember how long you have been waiting to hold your precious angel.
Rest! Rest! Rest! Enjoy this time with your new baby. Let others wait on you. Enjoy being pampered for the first few days you are home (longer if you underwent a cesarean or other major complications).
Bring baby into your room or bed to minimize walking.
Avoid fixed or rigid schedules, they place undue stress on new mothers. Go with the baby’s flow and your own intuition.
Avoid overexertion, bothersome friends and relatives. Limit length and number of visits per day. (If uninvited guests find you in a robe they are less likely to over-stay their welcome).
Get up for short periods of time, some exercise is good. Do not overexert yourself. Fatigue and pain can exaggerate negative feelings. Notice when you are feeling weary.
Whenever your baby sleeps, rest or sleep yourself. (This is NOT the time to jump up and do those 40 chores you have been thinking about!)
Eat right. Have healthy snack foods on hand. Nutritious, easily prepared foods are helpful. (Send the donuts home with grandma). Make sure to eat some complex carbohydrates (bread, corn, rice, rye, potatoes, oats, whole-wheat crackers, etc.) every three hours to keep your blood sugar up.
Drink lots of fluids. Your body is healing, and if you are breast-feeding extra fluids are essential. Drink lots of water. Unsweetened juices are also terrific. Avoid caffeine, and empty calorie sodas. Avoid or conscientiously limit alcohol use.
Get help with the housework, meals and other children. Take friends up on their offers of: “If there’s anything I can do, just ask”. Don’t be afraid to ask!
Prioritize to conserve energy. Not all housework is equally important.
Thank Dad when he helps around the house, with meals or the older children. A little gratitude will go a long way during these days.
Hand squeezes, hugs and kisses between Mom and Dad, to keep you both going.
Pamper yourself. Give yourself a facial, or a manicure. Condition your hair. Take a bath by yourself or with your baby. Read a frivolous book (you deserve it after months of studying only serious baby material.
Get outside. Enjoy the fresh air. Take baby with you for a walk in a carrier. Don’t try to do too much too soon. Work up slowly. Listen to your body.
Surround yourself with other moms. Find groups of new mothers with whom you can talk and go do things with your babies. (Mother and baby exercise classes, park days, La Leche League, the hospital’s new Parents’ group, childbirth class reunions, your roommate in the hospital, babysitting co-ops, church, temple or synagogue groups, neighbors, or start your own group).
Learn relaxation techniques or meditation. Learn to make the most of the few quiet moments you have. (Remember the relation exercises from childbirth classes).
Focus on what you are doing. Concentrate on the present, this precious time goes by very fast.
Do fun things with your baby. (Baby gym classes, walks, dress him/her up in that “adorable” outfit, go to the park and feed the ducks, nature walks etc.)
Exercise with doctors’ approval. (Ask about specific exercises and how long you should wait to begin after delivery).
Be gentle with yourself, give yourself ample time to heal. The physical, hormonal and psychological recovery from pregnancy, labor and delivery may take longer than you had anticipated.
Take all advice with a grain of salt. Follow your own mothering intuition. You know what is best for your beautiful baby!!
Have Fun While Getting Motivated!
I found a great site for those who have a hard time getting motivated. This site turns your chores and the new habits you’d like to develop into a game. Give it a try!
Tips for Attaining Success
Balance in one’s life is essential to functioning at peak performance and accomplishing goals. Anyone who has studied business strategies, martial arts, skiing, golf, or serious sorts of any kind, knows the essential importance of balance to experience power and flexibility. Balance may be the most important thing we can achieve in life, giving us the ability to attain all our other dreams and goals.
The following is a quick summery of simple exercises to help attain balance in your life. It is not necessary to implement all of them. In areas, however, where you would like to achieve more balance, putting a few of these straightforward ideas into practice can bring a sense of control and of being centered to your life.
Surround yourself with other well-balanced people.
Many people do not know what a busy, successful, yet balanced life even looks like. Few of us had great role models for this growing up. Take the time and effort to search out people who are spending time bettering themselves and going for their dreams. Limit your time with people who primarily see themselves as victims, even if it is tempting to be the hero and rescue them.
It is hard to retain balance in your own life if you are spending a great deal of time with people who live in extremes or who have addictions to substances, spending, gambling, sex, work, fear, anger, etc. Find healthy friends and associates who are also working on themselves and heading toward balance in their own lives. Find friends whom you can support and encourage as they head for their own dreams of being of service to humanity.
Practice meditation.
So much has been written and researched about meditation that it is almost common knowledge what benefits can be attained through practice. A meditative practice is any activity that helps a person shut down the “chatter” that goes on in one’s head. Exercise, listening to music, sitting quietly in nature, contemplative meditation, yoga, breathing and relaxation techniques, mindful gardening or just quietly watching clouds change shape, are all examples of training the mind to focus or slow down.
Set aside time for meditation in your written schedule. As you continue to practice meditation as part of your daily routine, it will become hard to imagine how you did life without these “mini-vacations” and times of rejuvenation. Great insights and “genius” creative problem solving can be attained from regular meditative practice.
Feed your primary relationship.
Spending time and energy building closeness and a sense of trust can bring you a feeling of balance, flexibility, support and connectedness. Remember the things that brought you together in the first place. Celebrate anniversaries of significant events.
If you are holding grudges or resentments, put them down. Let go of past betrayals and find a way to forgive and release your loved one from indebtedness.
Even if you do not have a specific significant other, finding friendship is important. Human connection and feeling “seen” can bring a sense of balance and security. Write down the name of one person with whom you would like to feel closer. What interests or hobbies do they have? How do you contribute to his/her life? Have you let him/her know they are special to you? Push yourself to be available to those who care about you.
If you have children be sure to spend time together as a family, but also make special time to spend individually creating memories with each child. Often children will not be as open and self-revealing with siblings around.
Participate in Secret Giving.
Do something nice for someone without them finding out who did it. Leave an anonymous flower or treat. Give the gift of yourself; offer your time or talent to help someone else. Do it without expecting anything in return. Send a special wish, a smile or silent prayer even when you walk past someone. Only in giving do we feel a sense of purpose. When we feel down one of the quickest ways to feel better is to be of service to someone else.
Recognize there are always “two sides to every coin”.
Remember that “the glass is always half full as well as half empty,” and “there are two sides to every coin.” For every positive side to a situation, event, job or relationship, there are also difficult ones. We sometimes tend to think of situations in terms of all good or all bad. There is no such thing as an all positive or all negative situation.
Make a list of things that are now challenges in your life and beside each one write the benefit or potential benefit each one gives you or may bring you in the future. Now write a list of things you are very grateful for, beside each one write the price you were willing to pay or sacrifice for it. Give yourself a compliment for acknowledging both sides
of the important things in your life. If this is difficult for you spend some time practicing this exercise. The rewards are many and you will end up feeling much less trapped by life.
Reconnect with your spiritual side.
Spirituality means something different to each person. It is a sense that there is a higher order to things and that life is not just random events. Connecting to this deeper side of life is essential to obtain a sense of balance.
Some people want to affiliate with others who hold similar beliefs. Others wish to be alone in nature or read inspirational material. It is important that each person find the activities and practices that bring a sense of reconnection with their own spirituality.
Financial balance is not a matter of luck.
Keep a current cash flow chart that is updated daily or at least weekly. Keep a net worth file that is updated monthly or at least biannually. Financial balance comes from being aware of in-flows and out-flows of money, being able to predict and make purchase and investment decisions based on current facts.
If you have long-term financial goals write out the steps you will need to take to attain them. Give yourself credit and acknowledgement for attainment of short-term goals leading to long-term objectives. If you need a professional to look over your finances and give advice, don’t delay in setting up an appointment.
Bring balance to your habits.
Think of one excessive habit that you would like to bring into balance, such as, overeating, overspending, gambling, drinking, criticizing, watching TV, or computer time. Then write out three steps you would like to take toward getting that habit back to a place of balance in your life (such as; spending more time with friends, writing a budget, joining AA, GA or Weight Watchers, finding an exercise partner, giving more compliments, making a commitment to someone you trust, etc.) Now circle the first step you would like to take toward your goal. Write a time in your planner by which you will take that first step.
Don’t think in terms of all or none.
In our fast-paced, addictive society many of us are tempted to think of situations, goals and activities in terms of all or none. Retrain your mind to think in terms of, “on a scale of 1 to 10” or in percentages. For instance, I would like to cut my sugar intake by 50% or I would like to arrive home earlier from the office 25% more of the time. This is a much kinder and more practical way of speaking to yourself and you increase the likelihood of real behavioral change taking place.
If you incorporate these ways of speaking in your communications with others, you will also find much less defensiveness on the listener’s part. For instance, rather than saying “You are always late,” say, “I notice you are late about 50% of the time. That is too much.” Rather than saying, “You always make me angry,” say, “On a scale of 1 to 10 my frustration level is up to a 7. I really don’t want it to go higher”. Speaking without absolutes in limit setting will increase how often your message is actually heard.
Create A “Pie Chart” of Your Life.
Draw a circle that symbolizes your life. Divide it into 7 wedge sections representing the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, relationship and the professional aspects of your life. Allot space to sections according to how fulfilled and comfortable you feel about the time and energy you spend on each section of your life.
Now look at your pie. Where would you like to devote more attention? Where could you expend less energy? What would balance look like to you? Does any one part look neglected?
Redraw your circle to match your ideal situation, not necessarily in equal portions. Now write the first specific step you would need to impact each area you do wish to change.
Whatever area of your “pie chart” you wish to work on, set up small easily attainable steps toward more balance in that area. For instance, if you wish to work on the physical “slice” of the “pie”, don’t start out with a goal of loosing 20 pounds and working out 7 days a week. Set up incrementally attainable goals. Weekly or daily reevaluate them at a scheduled time. Don’t drop your idea all together if you fall short of your ideal goal, just modify your goals to something more realistic for your current life style and work up from there.
Address procrastination in your life now.
Procrastination can rob otherwise very productive brilliant people from feeling a sense of success and balance. Set aside time each day to write a prioritized to-do list for the next day. Take a time-management class or listen to a tape series on overcoming procrastination. Buy yourself a complete daily calendar program and follow it. Ask organized friends what methods they recommend.
Set up small rewards for yourself when you complete tasks. Congratulate yourself when you accomplish intermediate goals along the way to the large tasks. Observe what you say to yourself. Make sure you are complimenting yourself and not “beating yourself up”.
Always keep your word.
One of the fastest ways to feel off balance is to be trying to make up excuses to “cover your tracks” when you have not kept your word. If you only commit to things you are quite certain you can fulfill and you keep these promises, you will walk through life with more confidence, a faster, clearer mind and radiate trustworthiness to all those with whom you come into contact. The word gets around fast about those people who can be counted on to finish projects, show up on time or go the extra mile if they have committed to it.
The converse is also true. When a person has not made a habit out of keeping his or her word there is an instant tenseness that fills the air when a promise is made. An uneasiness and a sense of defensiveness follows them into whatever new project they undertake. Create an air of confidence by always following through on what you say you will do.
A quick way to center your body.
Sit up straight in a chair. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and completely exhale. Focus your attention on your body and how it feels. Sit up as straight and upright as possible. Now, leaning with your left shoulder, lean as far as you can to the left and then as far as you can to the right.
Then return to center, with your eyes still closed. Imagine what leaning half the distance to your left would be. Now lean only that far to the left, followed by leaning the same halfway reduced distance to the right.
Continue leaning left and then right, cutting the distances in half each time in both directions. Continue, with your eyes closed, even past the point where you feel any perceptible body movement. Stop when you feel at complete center both physically and mentally. Relax and enjoy this centered feeling. Remember how this relaxation feels at times when you are stressed and anxious.
Many of these concepts may seem strange, uncomfortable, time-consuming or even a bit foreign at first. But these are strategies that have been used successfully by thousands of people who have put them into practice. If you choose just one and implement it in your life on a regular basis you will be sure to see a difference. Having balance in your life gives you a competitive edge in our fast paced society. Flexibility self-confidence and high energy all come from finding balance in life’s most important areas.
© 2004 Dr. Lois V. Nightingale, Clinical Psychologist (psy9503) professional speaker, author and director of the Nightingale Center in Yorba Linda, California 714-993-5343
8 Important Tips for Choosing a Therapist
In choosing a professional with whom you plan to discuss your most personal issues, one who you trust to give you direction and assistance, it is important to first spend some time considering what results you would like to see if therapy was successful from your own perspective. Remember no one can change someone else. We can only choose to help change ourselves, and a person has to first be uncomfortable with the way their life is going before they are open to alternative ways of doing things. There is, however, a very good chance that if one person changes what they contribute to a situation others around them will not only begin to respond differently but may also be motivated to have a different life for themselves.
After becoming clear about what you would like to obtain from therapy it is then important to consider what are the most important qualities you want in a therapist working with you or those you love. Educational qualifications are important to many people. The following is an outline of the most common types of psychological counselors and the academic and experiential qualifications of each:
Psychiatrist. A Psychiatrist is a Medical Doctor who after completing an M.D. has had 3 years of specialty training in mental disorders. A board-certified psychiatrist has, in addition, practiced for 2 years and passed the written and oral examinations of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. Most Psychiatrists only handle medication prescriptions for patients. Some psychiatrists have taken further training to conduct psychotherapy, and of those, most have been trained in psychoanalysis, which is an analytical and individual process-focused therapy. Medical continuing education is required to maintain their licenses.
Clinical Psychologist. A Clinical Psychologist has a Ph.D. in psychology and has completed a doctoral dissertation, as a contribution to new research and information in the field of psychology. He or she has completed at least two years of working with clients under supervision. They then must pass written and oral examinations. Psychologists are also required to complete continuing education classes to renew their licenses. The license of Clinical Psychologist has the widest scope of practice for psychotherapists, including, prevention and treatment of emotional and mental disorders with individuals, children, adolescents, couples, families and groups with personal, social, emotional or behavioral problems. They are licensed to do assessments, psychological testing and interpretation and hypnosis. They may have hospital admitting privileges, do forensic evaluations and be expert witnesses in a court of law. Psychologists cannot prescribe medications.
Registered Psychological Assistant. A psychological Assistant is training to be a Clinical Psychologist. He or she has a Masters degree, is finishing or has finished their Ph.D. and is in the process of collecting the above mentioned 3000 hours. They are under the direct supervision of a Psychologist who has been licensed for at least two years.
Educational Psychologist. An Educational Psychologist has a Masters degree and an Ed.D., a doctorate in education. They also have completed 3000 hours under the supervision of a licensed supervisor and then passed a written and an oral test. Their training primarily focuses on learning and social problems in school-age children. A School Psychologist is recognized in many states and is a Masters level license.
Licensed Social Worker (LCSW). A Licensed Social Worker has a 2-year Masters Degree in Social Work plus 1,000 hours of clinical placement and 3200 hours of post Masters clinical supervision. They are then required to pass comprehensive written and oral examinations. Their training focuses on social work, such as family intervention and the welfare of children. They provide individual, group, family, child, marital, and adolescent therapy. They generally practice in family service agencies, HMO hospitals, employee assistance programs, mental health clinics, courts, and health center.
Marriage, Family and Child Counselor (MFCC). A Marriage Family and Child Counselor or Therapist, as they are most often referred to, holds a Masters degree in counseling and has completed 3000 hours of supervised counseling. They must also pass a written and an oral examination. Their license allows them to counsel individuals, couples, children, adolescents and groups with relationship problems. They are also required to attend continuing education classes for license renewal.
Registered Intern. An MFCC Intern is working on or has finished a Masters degree in counseling and is working toward licensure by collecting the 3000 hours to be eligible to sit for the licensing exams for Marriage, Family and Child Counselor. They are practicing under the direct supervision of a licensed therapist and treat relationship issues.
Psychiatric Nurse. Psychiatric-mental health nurses are registered professional nurses who have specialized training at the Masters level or above. They conduct individual, family and group consultation and education. A few are in private practice, but most practice in hospitals, community mental health centers and other agencies.
Pastoral Counseling. These are members of the clergy, some have specialized training in psychology, counseling or social work. They provide inexpensive counseling but it is important to evaluate psychological counseling from anyone with little or no training in psychotherapy.
Lay Counselor. A Lay counselor is an unlicensed person who offers counseling through an organization such as a church, temple, nutritional program, self-help group, school, etc., or just on their own. Anyone can call themselves a counselor or therapist, so be sure to ask about training, credentials, certificates, internships, qualifying exams, liability carriers, insurance reimbursement, length of experience and their “scope of practice”. Don’t be afraid to ask what their intended outcome is for treatment and how many people they have treated with your particular concern.
Remember all licensed therapists are ethically required to list their license numbers in advertising. For instance: Licensed Clinical Psychologists’ numbers start with PSY…, licensed Social Workers’ license numbers start with LCS…, and MFCCs’ license numbers start with MFC…
Finding a therapist with whom you feel comfortable is very important. Sometimes this may mean asking a potential therapist about their views on topics of importance to you. Most therapists have been trained to be as objective and accepting as possible, but they are still human. You may want to know how long they have been in practice, do they have any specialties that they write or speak about. You may want to know if a therapist has experience raising children of their own or if they use scientifically based treatments. Just taking the time to have a brief conversation over the phone with a potential therapist can give you a great deal of information about your comfort level in working with him or her.
Knowing the background and specialties of a therapist can help you make your decision. A therapist should be able to provide you with an outline or brief summery of their experience. Look to see how long he or she has been treating people with your specific concern. Look for community service and other indications that he or she is genuinely concerned about people. If you have a preference for a particular type of therapy, look to see if he or she has had personal training and experience in that therapeutic intervention.
A therapist should also be willing to tell you his or her fees up-front. You may be responsible for looking into your own insurance or HMO to see if or how much is covered by your carrier, but the therapist should let you know what his or her customary fee is, and on what terms that fee is expected. Do they bill insurance for you? Are all fees due at time of service? Is there a discount if you bill your own insurance? Can you put the fee on a credit card or pay it off over time? Don’t be afraid to ask the financial questions, you are hiring this professional to help you.
Most therapists are very conscientious when it comes to client confidentiality, but some policies differ from office to office. If you are in a special circumstance such as, a divorced parent or the parent of an adolescent in therapy, you may want to ask the therapist what his or her policy is regarding disclosure to family members in these situations. You may want to know how your records are kept after termination of therapy and for how long. Some therapists must disclose client conversations with case managers if they are reimbursed by an HMO or third party insurance. If you have concerns about your privacy and confidentiality be sure to ask the questions you need answered up-front.
Phone policies differ between therapists. Many times the first contact you will have with a therapist is by phone, and during the course of therapy there are often phone contacts made between therapist and client. An initial call to a therapist’s office should be returned within twenty-four hours during business days or the following business day if placed during a weekend. Ask up-front what the therapist’s policies are regarding phone calls. Does he or she return your calls in a timely manner? Does he or she carry a pager in case of emergency? Are there hours when a live person answers the phone? Does the therapist charge for phone calls during non-business hours or for calls over a certain length of time? Who covers for them when they are on vacation?
Trust your intuition. If you feel uncomfortable with a therapist after a couple sessions don’t keep hoping it will change. Talk about it with the therapist and if you still do not feel rapport and a sense of trust, try another therapist. One of the reasons psychotherapy is successful is the relationship between the therapist and client, if this relationship is not good, therapy has little chance of working.
Therapy can be a life-changing experience or an exercise in frustration. As with any professional service, care must be taken in choosing the professional you trust. Talk to friends about things they found valuable in their therapists. Spend time reading about the kind of therapy you would like to receive. Be an educated consumer. This is your life and you deserve to have a great one!
© 2004, Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, (lic.#PSY9503) director of the Nightingale Center in Yorba Linda. For more information call 714-993-5343