Seven 5 Minute Tips to Help New Mothers Relax and Rejuvenate
Parenting by Dr. Lois Nightingale on December 9, 2017
Seven 5 Minute Tips to Help New Mothers Relax and Rejuvenate
Sometimes 5 minutes at a time is all new mothers can find in their busy days. When the baby is sleepy or older kids are briefly entertained. These can be thought of as “mini vacations” that you can return from more relaxed and ready to take care of the tasks you have committed to.
Focus on you breath. Breathe in and feel how cool and dry the air is as compared to warmer moister air as you exhale. Breathe deeply filling your lungs from the bottom up. Let your abdomen move as you breathe. As you breathe in, say silently “re” and as you exhale “lax”. Say silently to yourself “re-lax” as you breathe deeply.
Sit quietly and comfortably and close your eyes. After taking 5 deep cleansing breaths, bring your attention to noises, smells and feelings around you. What can you hear, smell and feel? Pay attention to detail, subtle sensory stimuli and what you might not usually notice, when your mind wonders, gently bring it back to something you hear, smell or feel.
Spend 5 minutes, just noticing without judgement. If you notice undone housework, clothes on the floor, your fatigue, just notice that it is so. Do not use “should”, “would”, “could”, “ought” or any other derogatory statements about yourself or others. Detach yourself from the emotional judgement about your environment and those around you. Begin bringing this perspective into the rest of your day.
Walk outdoors. Notice how nature works effortlessly, without worry or anxiety. Notice the colors, movement, and temperature, breathe in the fresh air. Exhale completely. Be fully present. Watering, gardening, watching clouds, playing with pets or just watching leaves blow in the breeze creates tranquility.
Spend 5 minutes each night writing down things that you accomplished, giving yourself credit. These may be “small” in comparison to “life before the baby”, but now take effort, focus and forethought. Give yourself credit for healthy food you’ve eaten, quality time you spent with your baby and other family members, and relaxation time you have taken out during your day.
Have a lovely fragrant lotion (the more “decadent” the better) to give yourself a 5 minute hand or foot massage, feel the softness, smell the fragrance, bring your attention to the muscles relaxing as you massage the lotion into your skin.
When driving, listen to positive self-confidence building tapes or CD’s. Feed yourself emotionally by what you listen to. Avoid angry and hostile talk shows or personal acquaintances. Notice if what you are listening to builds you up or tears you or someone else down. Surround yourself with positive growing people who encourage you.
Free relaxation techniques for new mothers can be heard on Sound Cloud
Dr. Lois Nightingale, author of “A Quiet Time for New Mothers, Ways To Relax and Rejuvenate” 1999 ISBN #1-889755-28-1 and “Overcoming Postpartum Depression, A Doctor’s Own Story” 1998 ISBN # 1-889755-25-7
For Teen Girls: How to Choose a Good Guy
How does he treat his friends? How does he speak about his friends? (He will probably treat you and speak about you the same way eventually.)
How does he speak about his family, especially his mother? (He will work out his problems with his family on you after you have been with him awhile.)
Does he encourage you to spend time with your friends? (Nothing is worse than a controlling guy.)
Does he encourage you to go after your dreams and goals? (A good guy will not be afraid of you changing and will be excited when you have opportunities to get what you want.)
Does he have goals? (It is great to feel loved and adored, but only by a guy with ambition who is heading somewhere.)
Does he blame or take responsibility for his feelings? (Who does he say is responsible for something he lost, etc? If he always blames someone else for things that happen to him he will eventually be blaming you for how he feels when he is upset.)
Does he let you have some of the spotlight or does he only talk about himself all the time? (A guy who feels good about himself is great, but he should also be proud of you and what is interesting to you.)
Does he have an active spiritual basis? (You want to know he doesn’t think he is the center of the universe.)
Can he accept people different from himself? (Self-confident guys know there are many kinds of people in the world, and this does not threaten them.)
Is he generous with time, compliments, help, money, information, etc? (Stinginess is a sign of fearfulness.)
Can he express how he feels and what he wants? (Guys have a hard time with this, but he should be able to do it once in awhile.)
Does he have good hygiene and show good self-care? (How he feels about himself will show in how he cares for himself.)
Does he think using drugs or drinking is cool? (A guy who numbs his feelings with chemicals will be a lousy boyfriend.)
Is he jealous and makes you tell him where you are all the time? (A jealous guy is insecure and scared that he isn’t a “good catch.” He feels you could do better than him. You can.)
Does he have good ways of dealing with his anger? (If not, he will eventually turn his outbursts on you.)
Small minds talk about other people.
Average minds talk about things.
Great minds talk about ideas.
© 2018 Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist (lic # PSY9503) 16960 E. Bastanchury Rd. Suite J, Yorba Linda, Ca. 714-993-5343 www.nightingalecenter.com
Kindergarten Readiness
This checklist is a very brief outline of skills that are needed by most children as they begin a structured school environment, such as kindergarten. If you have concerns about whether or not your child is ready for the kind of learning that kindergarten provides, talk with some of his or her potential teachers. Ask friends what experiences their children have had at that particular school. Read books about the developmental stages of children such as “Your five-year-old”, by Louise Bates Ames. Ph.D.
If you still have concerns after you have decided to enroll your child, volunteer some time in the classroom. This will give you an idea about how the class is conducted and how well you child is adapting.
If you feel your child is continuing to have difficulty ask your pediatrician for his or her perspective. A family counselor or psychologist who specializes in children can also be helpful in evaluating the emotional and psychological development of your child.
Skills useful in starting kindergarten:
Verbal skills:
Can your child use words rather than physical aggression to get what he/she wants or express what he/she feels?
Can he/she repeat phrases said by an adult?
Does he/she speak clearly enough to be understood by someone who does not know him/her well?
Can he/she communicate with peers?
Social skills:
Does your child seek out interactive play with other people (children)?
Can your child wait his/her turn?
Can he/she follow simple directives?
Can he/she put into words simple requests?
Does your child show some beginning “empathy skills”?
Self-care skills:
Is your child consistently dry during naps?
Can your child ask to go to the bathroom and go without assistance?
Can your child eat lunch or snack-food with minimum adult assistance?
How much help does he/she need getting coat/sweater, etc on?
Academic Skills:
Does your child have the ability to show sustained attention?
Can your child memorize things that have been read to him/her repeatedly? (Pretending to read).
Maturation skills:
Does your child demonstrate an understanding of a concept of time?
How long can your child sit still?
Can your child put things back where they belong and clean up after projects?
Average chronological age kids begin kindergarten 4-5
Remember to trust your parenting intuition and your own knowledge of your child. You are your child’s best advocate!
Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D. (lic# PSY9503) director of the Nightingale Center in Yorba Linda, California 714-993-5343.
©2009 Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.
Dr. Nightingale’s Interviews and Media Appearances
Therapy by Dr. Lois Nightingale on April 9, 2016
Dr. Nightingale’s Interviews and Media Appearances
Articles and Interviews:
Interview with Divorce Central: http://www.divorcecentral.com/DCLive/expert/nighting.html
Brilliant Star Magazine: https://www.brilliantstarmagazine.org/parents-teachers/building-character/developing-virtues
Interview with Anderson Cooper CNN: http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0306/17/se.08.html
Dr. Nightingale writes as a Psychologist and Topic Expert for the psychology site Good Therapy.
More of her articles can be found at Network Therapy
It’s a Bedroom not a Boardroom
It’s a Bedroom not a Boardroom
It’s a Bedroom not a Board Room Protect Your Relationship from Being Damaged by Business Strategy, provides specific communication skills for business leaders and their partners.
As a psychologist for over 30 years, Dr. Lois Nightingale discovered that the clients who found business skills a second nature, often had more difficulty connecting with loved ones at home. When trouble showed up in other areas of life, they’d wrangled it into submission, usually at a profit. When they finally landed in therapy they were on the verge of ending another relationship, financing another divorce, or facing the thing they hated most: appearing to fail.
It was as if they were trying to find their way around New York City with a map of Chicago. The map was accurate, but when applied to a different city it was misleading, even dangerous.
Finding one’s way around with an inappropriate map is impossible, yet that’s what many couples try to do when they apply the skills they’ve come to trust in business to their personal intimate relationships.
This book is an instruction guide for people who’ve been using a great map, but in the wrong arena. This book provides a useful map that will get you where you want to be on the relationship field.
Dr. Nightingale shares the specific strategies she teaches entrepreneurs, executives and their partners in therapy. These are outlined against the backdrop of her own family’s history of doing business in America and her own personal relationship journey.
Read about what she tells her clients behind closed doors when they ask her why their personal relationships are falling apart when they’re so effective in other areas of their lives. Then practice with the exercises at the end of each chapter and lower defensiveness and increase closeness and passion in your own relationship.