Getting Kids Back on Schedule after a School Break
During school vacations many families enjoy a more relaxed schedule. This can be fun and enjoyable for traditionally busy parents as well as students. But when the vacation comes to an end it can be challenging getting a family back into the structure of a routine. There are many simple and practical things parents can do to make this transition easier. The following are tips to help get kids back on track smoothly.
Starting 2 days early getting children up at the time they will need to awake when school starts. Getting kids up earlier is easy than trying to force them to go to bed earlier, and a better way to reset their internal clocks. Make sure you are going to bed earlier also.
A few days before school starts, begin to focus on a healthier diet (during holidays kids can get into the habit of eating poorly which leads to cranky behavior and low frustration tolerance). Fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains are great things to include. Refined sugar, white flour and caffeine are good things to exclude.
Make sure you have signed all important paperwork that needs to go with your child to school the night before.
Help children pick out what they will wear to school the night before. Having this choice made and clothes set out can be a great time saver in the morning.
Pack their lunches the night before, or at least make sure you have all the needed lunch items in the house to make packing lunches an expedient chore.
Know what you are going to make for breakfast the night before. This can help parents feel calmer in the morning, and can be one less decision you have to make.
Write a short check list to keep in the car. Go over it before you leave your home. “Shoes, lunches, lunch money, notes signed, homework, instrument or sports equipment”, etc.
Set up a schedule for yourself. Get to bed early enough yourself. Knowing where and when you need to be places will help you feel more in control of your own time, and leave you feeling less rushed with your children. (Consider waking up 15 minutes earlier than needed just to sit and have a cup of coffee or tea and plan out your own day.)
Create a peaceful non-rushed environment in the mornings before school. Put on soft music. Have the smells of breakfast cooking when you wake the kids. Find a joke to tell them while they’re eating breakfast. Make sure you give them five compliments for every directive. (A directive is a command or criticism such as “go get your shoes on,” etc.)
Keep the television off in the morning.
Leave time for the unexpected. (10-15 min.)
Put in a tape of silly kid songs for the drive to school or listen to one of the children’s stations on the radio. (This can go a long way in diminishing sibling rivalry in the car).
Praise your children for being on time. Build in the expectation that you know they will cooperate and you will be on time.
If it takes a few days to get back into the swing of things be patient with yourself and them. The lighter you keep the interaction, the more cooperation you will get. (Building self-esteem and good feelings about themselves is more important than every hair being in place.)
© 2004 Dr. Lois V. Nightingale, Clinical Psychologist (psy9503) and Director of the Nightingale Center in Yorba Linda, Calif. (714) 993-5343.
What are “The Baby Blues”?
You had so looked forward to this joyous time in your life-your baby’s birth, all the friends and family surrounding you, your dream to begin building your own family now a realityso why are you so unhappy?
Don’t be alarmed. You’re probably suffering from a common form of postpartum depression, or what your grandmother called “the Baby Blues”. It usually begins on or around the third day after delivery and lasts about 10 to 14 days. The noticeable symptoms are crying for no apparent reason, irritability and dysphoria (feeling down).
Postpartum depression (PPD) strikes indiscriminately, having little to do with the mother’s personality. All types of women can suffer from this commonly ignore problem, many never knowing that help is available.
The probable cause for the baby blues is the rapid drop in progesterone levels that occurs in every woman’s body after giving birth. Progesterone levels drop from a high of 40 times their highest level during a regular menstrual cycle to levels so low they are almost undetectable in the blood. This dramatic change can have a tremendous impact on the emotions of a new mother.
Approximately 50 to 80 percent of all new mothers (whether they are delivering their first or tenth child) suffer from the baby blues. Although it can be upsetting not to be the perfect picture of a joyous mommy, the baby blues seem to disappear on their own. Most women get through the experience fairly well with the support and reassurance of family and friends.
If you are experiencing this type of PPD it is important for you to feel supported by those around you now. You need to be mothered, as well as your baby! Reassurance that this difficult time will pass and that you are loved and cared for can be very comforting.
Lack of sleep-a problem nearly all new mothers experience-can make the baby blues much worse. Make getting enough rest and sleep a high priority. It is also essential to eat well and regularly. If you are tired you may forget to eat and consequently suffer from periods of low blood sugar, which in turn lowers your frustration tolerance and your body’s ability to absorb any new hormones you may be producing.
Extreme Symptoms
Approximately 10 to 15 percent of new mothers who experience the baby blues may develop a deeper level of postpartum depression characterized by several of the following symptoms:
Difficulty making decisions
Feelings of inadequacy
Fear of being left alone
Fantasies of disaster
Feelings of not wanting the baby
Desire to leave the family
Panic attacks
Fear and anxiety
Feeling out of control
Non-interest in previously pleasurable activities
Inability to sleep
Nightmares
Some of these symptoms, in mild forms, are normal adaptations to motherhood. If, however, they are persistent or extreme, they indicate a need for treatment.
This deeper level of postpartum depression usually begins within the first six to eight weeks after delivery but may appear any time in the first year postpartum. If the onset of your symptoms is later than two months after giving birth, they may sneak up on you, and you may not even identify the problem as depression until the symptoms are overwhelming. In fact, your husband or friends may notice it first.
A very small number of new mothers, about one or two in a thousand, develop very severe symptoms, usually in the first few days after birth, that turn into postpartum psychosis. In these rare cases a mother loses touch with reality and has delusions or hallucinations and severe anxiety. She may be a danger to herself or the baby. It is very important that any new mother with this type of symptom receive medical help immediately.
As was previously mentioned, drastically changing hormone levels after birth are thought to be the responsible factor in PPD. While this is most likely true, hormone treatments have been met with mixed results, and fathers and adoptive mothers have also been reported to have symptoms resembling postpartum depression. It would appear that in most cases a combination of factors is responsible.
Some of the factors that may place a woman at higher risk for PPD include:
A family history of PPD
Other major depressive episodes
A history of hormonal problems such as PMS
Marital tension, feeling unsupported by partner
Being used to spending majority of time outside the home
Husband away from home a great deal
Death of her own parent in childhood or adolescence
Medications
Positive Steps to Take
The most important thing to remember if you find yourself suffering from PPD is that it is not your fault. You are not a “bad” or incompetent mother. You have not done something “wrong”. You are not going crazy and there is help available!
There are several things that you and those close to you can do to help. First, you must rest. Mother yourself and spend time with your baby. Find other people to take care of the housework, meals, other children, laundry, pets, etc. Your most important job is recovering and bonding with your new baby.
If breast-feeding is possible, it is a wonderful way for you to increase the level of Prolactin (a calming hormone) in your body. While breast-feeding can delay the production of Progesterone and Estrogen as your menstrual cycles return, Prolactin can help alleviate depression and facilitate a feeling of closeness with your baby. If you are having problems breast-feeding there are lactation consultants available and organizations such as La Leche League.
Try to avoid fixed or rigid scheduling of your baby; go with the flow. Avoid over-exertion and get lots of rest.
Eat balanced meals throughout the day. Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and smoking. Eat a small portion of complex carbohydrates (Mom used to call these “starchy foods”) such as; bread, pasta, crackers, cereal, potatoes. Start eating theses small portions within a half-hour after waking and then every three hours while awake.
Don’t isolate yourself or keep your feelings inside. Get outside for some light exercise (with your doctor’s permission) everyday. Find other new mothers to talk to—local parenting publications or your pediatrician’s office can provide you with lists of support groups. Find a safe person with whom you can express your conflicting emotions. Someone who will accept you just the way you are right now. You can also try keeping a journal.
Make the most of the time you have to rest. Learn relaxation techniques or use the ones you learned in childbirth classes. Rest, meditate or sleep whenever the baby sleeps.
You might also try thinking back to past adversities and remembering the skills and networks you used to get through those difficult times. New mother support groups can be especially beneficial.
Medical Breakthroughs
New medical information is now available about the treatment of PPD. This illness has even recently made its way into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Psychologists and Psychiatrists. This means that the psychiatric community and insurance companies now recognize PPD as a real illness.
Katharina Dalton, M.D. in London, has reported great success in treating PPD and helping new mothers at high risk avoid PPD by using natural progesterone at the time of delivery. Other antidepressants are also widely used to treat this form of depression. Other well-known clinics are helping new mothers get enough sleep in the first two weeks after giving birth, thus avoiding most PPD symptoms.
Many advances have also been made in alternative forms of medicine, such as herbal remedies, holistic, Homeopathic and Chinese medicines. Many people are familiar with St. John’s Wort and other natural herbs to treat depression. But it is important to always check with your doctor before taking any medication, especially if you are breast-feeding.
Many advances have been made in the diagnosis and treatment of PPD. With therapy and medication, nearly all forms of this illness are treatable. It is unnecessary for you to suffer untreated from PPD. Whether your symptoms are severe or just a case of the baby blues, remember, you are not alone and help is available.
© 1998 Lois V. Nightingale, Clinical Psychologist, psy9503, director of the Nightingale Center, author of Overcoming Postpartum Depression, a Doctor’s Own Story.
Address Pain with Alternative Medicine
Every year 40 % of all Americans will experience pain severe enough to require treatment. Over time, pain can affect personal relationships, professional commitments and one’s self-image.
For instance, millions of migraine sufferers struggle with family and co-worker’s frustration and their own feelings of being trapped by their pain. Although many new medical breakthroughs are now available, patients may feel drowsy or experience lowered inhibitions. Becoming addicted to pain killers or developing tolerance and needing to increasing dosages, also concern patients. As a result, Complimentary and Alternative therapies for pain are seeing a dramatic increase in popularity.
One New York City study found that 56% of those in pain had used at least one alternative therapy and 87% had received some relief from pain. Massage was used by at least 30% of these pain patients and about 25% had used herbal remedies.
Much research has been done verifying the benefits of massage, acupuncture, biofeedback, Guided Imagery and hypnosis for pain relief. Massage relaxes muscles in spasm, which create or add to existing pain. Massage can free up fascia (connective tissue) and muscles and help the body resume a natural posture. Massage can also aid in circulation and the releasing of toxins in the lymphatic and circulatory systems.
Acupuncture is most often sought to address pain. Sophisticated imaging such as, MRIs, have shown that acupuncture may close “pain gates” on the spinal column, and these shut down the message of pain sent to the brain. Acupuncture can also help the body produce hormones that lead to enhanced feelings of well-being. One study at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey found that pain originally felt by test subjects could not be felt after acupuncture treatment.
Guided imagery is also effective in treating pain and perception of pain. Some insurance carriers are now paying for Guided Imagery for surgery patients because research has shown positive results, such as, less blood loss, faster recovery times and less postoperative pain.
Biofeedback is used in treating migraines, stress-related neck and back pain and PMS systems. Biofeedback is a mechanical way of seeing how much tension the body is holding. With a biofeedback trainer patients can learn to relax muscle tension on their own and decrease their experience of pain. Many patients have reported needing less medication after getting substantial relief from biofeedback.
Psychotherapy can help with disruption in relationships and the emotional frustrations that often accompany chronic pain. In counseling people can learn coping skills, to ask for what they need and be assertive, not hostile, even when they are uncomfortable.
Pain sufferers have many new options available to them. Treating life-disrupting pain can give life back to sufferers.
By Dr. Lois Nightingale, Psychologist, PSY9503 714-993-5343
What is Cognitive Behavior Therapy?
Anxiety by Dr. Lois Nightingale on April 8, 2016
What is Cognitive Behavior Therapy?
Cognitive Behavior Therapy is an action-focused psychotherapy that focuses on addressing thought patterns (cognitions) that lead to disruptive behaviors and uncomfortable emotions. It is a relatively short-term form of therapy based on the concept that the way we think about things affects how we feel emotionally. CBT focuses on changing current mal-adaptive thought patterns, behaviors and communication rather than on past experiences. It is oriented toward current problem solving.
CBT is based on extensive empirical research. It is the primary psychological treatment being studied in research today. CBT has been shown to be as useful as antidepressant medication for individuals with depression and is superior in preventing relapse. Studies indicate that patients who receive CBT in addition to medication have better outcomes than patients who do not receive CBT as an added treatment.
While CBT acknowledges many of the core beliefs contributing to “automatic thoughts” in response to life situations, may have been developed in childhood or during times of crisis, the predominant focus is on helping clients feel better and behave better their current lives.
CBT clients need to be motivated, as CBT can be hard work. Clients may feel uncomfortable at times as they practice new behavioral habits. Clients are expected to do work outside of therapy. Homework assignments, journaling, role-playing, cognitive rehearsal, relaxation techniques, systematic desensitization, deep breathing exercises, reinforcement strategies, and validity testing, are all techniques used in CBT. Clients who seek CBT can expect their therapist to be active, problem-solving and goal-directed.
The harder clients work, the better their chances of recovery.
Cognitive therapy is not about “positive thinking” in the sense that you must always think happy thoughts. Rather, it is a way to gain control over racing, repetitive thoughts which often feed or trigger anxiety or depression. In CBT people learn how to change their behavior and their feelings to live more fulfilled lives.
Dr. Lois Nightingale, Psychologist PSY9503 714-993-5343
Self-improvement Step By Step
Starting any significant life changes can begin with choosing a small behavior change. Choose something you believe you can accomplish to begin with.
Physical Self-improvement
Write exercise time in calendar
Ask a friend to go with you
Add 2 more servings of produce a day
Work on an addiction
Drink 2 more glasses of water a day
Go to bed 1/2 hour earlier
Buy a Group-on activity
Share fitness tracker info with an encouraging friend
Emotional Health
Keep a gratitude list
Meditate 10 min. a day
Listen to motivational CDs in car
Compliment yourself
Join a group of positive people
Write a list of interesting volunteer opportunities
Make a therapy appointment
Education
Read a Parks and Rec guide
Find Meet-ups in your area
Read admitting requirements to a school of interest
Browse Amazon.com for info
Hire a tutor
Watch a YouTube video on the subject
Family
Schedule individual outings with each member
Put a family activity in the calendar
Celebrate birthdays and accomplishments
Send E-cards
Hug and kiss
Laugh
Make eye contact
Compliment out loud
Turn off electronics and talk
Tell family stories of courage
Financial Health
Track and categorize what you spend
Have savings auto-deducted
Look at monthly income and spending (share if in partnership)
Balance statements monthly
Take a personal finance class
Primary Relationship
Forgive quickly
Send a card
Recall how you met
Plan a date
Share a book
Tell about something in your day that made you grateful for them
Touch
Tell them you’re proud of them
Attend a marriage seminar
Remember life is short
Accept “no” for an answer without forcing your perspective.
Work
Bring mindfulness and staying present to your job
Remember why your work is important
Do your best work to be in your own integrity
Compliment yourself on the way home
Commit to bringing joy to coworkers
Celebrate yourself and others
If dissatisfied explore options
Spiritual Well-being
Read a daily inspiration
Notice where you are rejuvenated
Spend time weekly with like-mined people
Visit places that inspire awe and community
Pray or meditate
Do the things that remind you you’re not alone
Reach out to someone you view as spiritually centered
Pull out old art supplies
Tune up an old instrument
Take a class
Reinvent an ancestor’s talent
Follow along with a YouTube instruction
Keep a journal of your ideas
Have lunch with another artist
Go to an art walk
Working with a therapist has helped many people attain their self-improvement goals.
Call 714-993-5343 for an appointment.