1. Write a paragraph recalling the events, things you noticed and the way you felt when the two of you first met. Leave it on his/her mirror, car seat or pillow.
2. Drive to a quiet place together, pull out 3 or 4 sealed envelopes, have him/her open the envelope of his/her choice and read the agenda for the evening, i.e. dinner and a movie, your favorite juice bar and a comedy club, or Chinese take-out at the park then listening to music at a coffee house, etc.
3. Write 31 things you admire about him/her put them in a decorative container and have them read one out loud every morning for a month.
4. If you don’t have a “your song” choose one, if you, do choose a special one for “Valentines Day 2000” or an “our make-up” song, create an occasion for a special song. Present him/her with the CD or tape.
5. Write a note stating three ways the world is a better place because he/she is in it. Give the note with a single stem flower and say, “you are one of a kind.”
6. Using his/her first name create an acronym with words that describe him/her i.e.; Lisa and Mark:
Loving Marvelous Inspiring Adventurous Sexy Rowdy Adorable Kind
7. Say “Thank you”, express gratitude and appreciation often, be sure to give compliments at least five times as often as criticisms.
8. Create a romantic treasure hunt with loving notes or gifts at each stop and detailed instructions to the next location. Have the final destination be a quiet restaurant, candle-lit bubble bath, or a massage in bed with warmed oil.
9. Remember that intimacy may mean different things to men and women. Read John Gray’s Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus out loud to each other. Respectfully talk about what makes each of you feel close to the other. Remember, feeling safe and unconditionally accepted lead both men and women to feeling loved and special.
10. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Gently and directly reveal how you feel and what you want. Comment out loud on the things he/she does that lead you to feel special and important to him/her. Give yourself the right to own your feelings and dreams without justification or providing “evidence.” If you are comfortable with how you feel and what you want others will also be more comfortable with you.
© 2018 Dr. Lois Nightingale, Psychologist (psy9503) and Director of the Nightingale Center in Yorba Linda, Calif. (714) 993-5343