The Nightingale Center

High Energy Parenting

By Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.

1. Organize:

a. Set priorities, know what is most important to you.
b. Plan your day, week etc. your time is valuable. Set aside time for everyday.

2. Look for the opportunity in the crisis.

a. What is the gift for me in this situation?
b. Having this attitude actually creates new options for us.

3. Create an environment that reduces stress.

a. Soothing music, flowers, artistic creations.
b. Surround yourself with caring people, having things around you that you like.

4. Surround yourself with support.

a. Compassionate friends, family members that are positive and optimistic.
b Surround yourself with encouragement.
c. Spend little or no time with people who find fault, look at the negative or feel trapped in their own lives.
d. Join a support group, church, temple, club etc.

5. Eat regularly.

a. Going long periods of time with out food can make molehills look like mountains.
b. Frustration tolerance is lowered when blood sugar is lower.
c. Eating complex carbohydrates (bread, cereal, rice, tortillas, bagels, pasta, grains, crackers, etc.) every three hours when awake (within a half-hour after waking up) can help keep your blood sugar even and also your emotions.

6. Avoid caffeine.

a. During stress the body has enough adrenaline.
b. Caffeine can amplify the effects of anxiety and fear, it can also interfere with much needed sleep.

7. Get enough rest and sleep.

a. Sleep deprivation leads to poor problem solving abilities and decreased frustration tolerance.
b. Many solutions may also show up in our dreams if we give them a chance. c. Take catnaps.
d. Have the baby sleep near you if it helps you to get back to sleep quickly.

8. Exercise, at least get outside everyday.

a. Exercise increases endorphins, which lead to feeling good.
b. Exercise also gives you alone time to think and figure things out.

9. Avoid alcohol

a. Alcohol is a depressant, in times of stress a drink may immediately make you feel better but the frustration and depression will soon deepen.

10. Avoid drugs and medication not specifically and recently prescribed for you personally.

a. Many drugs can make people feel lethargic and lead to difficulty in taking action and making decisions that will lead to eventual resolution of the situation.

11. Know your values.

a. Keep your goals and objectives in line with your inner value system.
b. Know what issues are important to you.
c. Be congruent with what you believe.
d. What values do you want to pass down to your children? Modeling is the most powerful way of teaching.

12. Look realistically at your options.

a. First write down every option that comes to mind.
b. Then write the pros and cons of each.
c. Select your favorite two or three.

13. Develop a plan and goal.

a. Choose one area that you believe, if changed would help your stress level significantly.
b. Set this up in small obtainable steps. If you overwhelm yourself you will become immobilized.

14. Take some action in the direction of your goal.

a. When we step through the first door the next one opens.
b. Taking some action, even a small action helps you not feel victimized.

15. Leave time for the unexpected.

a. Don't wait until the last minute.
b. Don't schedule yourself too tightly and are left with no flexibility in case of change.

16. Let go of the past.

a. Move into today and what is possible NOW.
b. Energy spent lamenting robs us of creative energy we could be using to create options NOW.

17. Become aware of you strengths and weaknesses.

a. You are not in this alone, don't be afraid to lean on others at this time.

18. Learn to set boundaries.

a. Don't say yes to everything.
b. Practice saying no, or " I'll get back to you", if you need time to think about your answer.
c. Become aware of physical signs indicating your boundaries have been crossed.

19. Find ways to release your anger and frustration.

a. Anger is normal, it can be very productive.
b. Talk about your anger with a friend, take it out in a physical activity such as tennis, or running, or another sport.
c. Screaming in your car alone, beating up your pillow, punching a punching bag, running etc.
d. Model appropriate verbalization of anger.
e. Don't waste time and energy on thoughts of revenge it's very draining.
f. Spend the time in creating.

20. Know that other people, if in your situation, would feel as you do.

a. Normalize your situation. You are not alone.
b. Talk to other mothers.

21. Practice visualization.

a. Relax in a calm unpressured environment without interruptions and picture how you would like to implement your plan.
b. Picture in your mind how you would like to interact with stress producing people.
c. Do something nice for someone else.
d. Use the situation you are in to connect with or help someone else in a similar situation. Stepping outside your situation can give perspective and motivate you.

22. Maintain a sense of humor.

a. Find the light side of the issue.
b. Find absurdity, what will you laugh about in 10 years.
c. Where's the "good story" in this?
d. Tell someone a joke or funny story every day.

23. Be genuinely courteous to others.

a. What we put out comes back to us, we also feel better when we don't regret loosing our tempers or being impolite.
b. Don't gossip or talk down to people.

24. Be assertive.

a. Ask for what you want and state how you feel.
b. Not aggressive, demanding, belittling, angry or rageful, and not passive, withdrawn, keeping it inside or conflict avoidant.

25. Make decisions. Follow through. Give yourself credit.

a. Keep a journal of daily accomplishments.
b. Give yourself credit. Notice what you have accomplished.
c. Don't spend time viewing yourself as a victim; find out what you can do.

26. Delegate.

a. No one is an island, we were not meant to do it all alone.
b. Ask for help.
c. Enlist the help of those who care about you or who you can hire or barter with.

27. Find a Positive " reframe" for the situation.

a. Where is the gift in this?
b. What can you get in this?
c. How can you use this situation to get what you really want?

28. Spend quiet time alone.

a. Practice progressive muscle relaxation.
b. Learn to meditate.
c. Practice self-hypnosis or yoga or martial arts.
d. Sit on a rock and watch birds or butterflies.

29. Get a Massage.

a. By a professional or good friend or lover.
b. Hugs are also very reassuring.

30. Feed your Spiritual Side.

a. Surround yourself with like-minded people.
b. Read inspirational material.
c. Turn off the news and listen to self-esteem building tapes.
d. Get out in nature.
e. Find something that transcends the pain of the moment.
f. Reconnect to the idea that there is a greater plan.

31. Slow Down.

a. There are no prizes in life for "arriving" quickly, actually every time we overcome one obstacle we face another challenge.
b. Life is a progressive learning opportunity, if we embrace it, it becomes easier.

32. Learn to Play.

a. Play is non-outcome focused activity. (For example blowing bubbles, swimming, singing, taking a walk, swinging in a swing, star gazing, looking for animals in clouds, watching waves, watching animals at the zoo, looking at details of a flower, watching a bird build a nest, etc.)

33. Remember You Are Special.

You are a limitless person. What is first a dream can be made into reality. Believe in yourself and your limitless potential. All things work together for good.

For further information on this topic you can read:

Positive Discipline
by Jane Nelsen

	The Nightingale Center
Brief Therapy Focused on Lasting Results