The Nightingale Center

How to Choose a Good Man

by Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.

1. How does he treat his friends? How does he speak about his friends? (He will probably treat you and speak about you the same way eventually.)
2. How does he speak about his family, especially his mother? (He will work out his problems with his family on you after you have been with him awhile.)
3. Does he encourage you to spend time with your friends? (Nothing is worse than a controlling guy.)
4. Does he encourage you to go after your dreams and goals? (A good guy will not be afraid of you changing and will be excited when you have opportunities to get what you want.)
5. Does he have goals? (It is great to feel loved and adored, but only by a guy with ambition who is heading somewhere.)
6. Does he blame or take responsibility for his feelings? (Who does he say is responsible for something he lost, etc? If he always blames someone else for things that happen to him he will eventually be blaming you for how he feels when he is upset.)
7. Does he let you have some of the spotlight or does he only talk about himself all the time? (A guy who feels good about himself is great, but he should also be proud of you and what is interesting to you.)
8. Does he have an active spiritual basis? (You want to know he doesn’t think he is the center of the universe.)
9. Can he accept people different from himself? (Self-confident guys know there are many kinds of people in the world, and this does not threaten them.)
10. Is he generous with time, compliments, help, money, information, etc? (Stinginess is a sign of fearfulness.)
11. Can he express how he feels and what he wants? (Guys have a hard time with this, but he should be able to do it once in awhile.)
12. Does he have good hygiene and show good self-care? (How he feels about himself will show in how he cares for himself.)
13. Does he think using drugs or drinking is cool? (A guy who numbs his feelings with chemicals will be a lousy boyfriend.)
14. Is he jealous and makes you tell him where you are all the time? (A jealous guy is insecure and scared that he isn’t a “good catch.” He feels you could do better than him. You can.)
15. Does he have good ways of dealing with his anger? (If not, he will eventually turn his outbursts on you.)

• Small minds talk about other people.
• Average minds talk about things.
• Great minds talk about ideas.

©2001 Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist (lic# PSY9503) director of the Nightingale Center for Mind/Body Health in Yorba Linda, Ca. 714-993-5343 www.nightingalecenter.com