The Nightingale Center

Are You Supported As A Father?

By Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.

Strong compassionate fathering and grand-fathering are essential gifts given to us by the conscientious men of our society. On Father's Day we honor their contributions, their support and their memory. We encourage the support of fathers and grandfathers and hope they are loving and caring to themselves as those to whom they give.

Have you let your work place know how important being present for your children's activities and family vacations are to you?
Do you make time to be the "hero", to help with difficult homework, practice for sports, participate in kids' group activities, listen to their peer problems, etc? If not what steps would you like to take to make the time?
Have you told those around you what kinds of compliments regarding being a good dad you appreciate most? Do you like to be complimented for what you do? For what you contribute? For how you listen and support? For what you teach?
What do you say to yourself about being a great father to your children? Are you complimenting yourself and giving yourself acknowledgement for this difficult job?
Do you take care of yourself physically, watch what you eat, get enough sleep, exercise and spend time with friends? If not, you may not have any extra energy to create fun with your kids.
Do you negotiate and set aside time to spend individually with your wife (partner) and each of your children?
What were the lessons your father gave you that you value most? The least? What lessons do you want to pass on to your children? What things are you committed to not passing on?
What memories do you want your children to have of you as a father when they are grown?
When you feel taken advantage of do you retrace your steps to see where you contributed past your point of resentment? Do you then respectfully renegotiate a give and take where you won't feel resentful? It is important to let family members know ahead of time (before you feel resentful) that they are asking too much.
Do you take time out to rejuvenate yourself spiritually, through nature, meditation, affiliating with like-minded people or reading?

Conscientious fathering lasts a lifetime. You're a wonderful gift to all the lives you touch and impact everyday. Future generations will remember your fathering today.

For further information on this topic you can read:

The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers
By Ken R. Canfield

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